Groaming. According to Vik-ipedia.

Howdy blogettes.

Well after I posted my zoomie story yesterday, my Mom took my advice and did zoomies all around the house.  Looking for her car keys.  Cool.

Today blogettes, I would like to share my thoughts about groaming.  Yes. Groaming.  That’s a Viktorism.  It’s a combo of grooming and groaning.  I am a PON.  I am an expert on groaming.  You see, to have this long, fluffy coat, one must undergo regular brushing and grrrrrrrrooming.    But I call it groaming.  Even though I have been brushed since I was a teenie, tiny puppy, brushing is NOT my favorite activity.  I’d MUCH rather do zoomies.   I know that some dogs are QUITE content to lie still and let their humans utilize a variety of tools to make them look “wonderful”  (those poodle guys take the cake) – but I would much rather squirm and groan my way through the entire process.  Well not ALL the time.  The key is to lie still and be quiet for a few minutes – and THEN your human will give you a treat!  At least mine does.  Then you do it again…for a few minutes.  And then another treat.  Don’t forget  to intersperse the quiet times with some moaning and groaning – just for effect.  The whole process can take like 12 hours.  Every two days.  OK.  So maybe I exaggerated that.  But sometimes it feels like that!

If we don’t do this tortuous brushing process on a regular basis we get these awful things called mats.  Mats are clumps of hair that stick together into a big wad – in all sorts of places – like behind our ears, between our toes, on our sides, between our front legs, behind our back legs and - get ready – around our PRIVATE areas.  Hey – it sounds like we can get them ANYWHERE – well – we ARE PONS.  Honestly, I don’t know how those guys who actually WORK with sheep and LIVE outdoors and aren’t groomed all the time can STAND the feel of those mats in their nether parts.  YOW!

I know that some PONs get their hair shaved off – and I must admit they look pretty cool.  But I’m an old fashioned kinda wild guy who likes the long-haired Woofstock look.  So I must endure the regular torture fest.

And if the brushing isn’t enough on my body and ears and tail (and nether parts) – I also have to endure the WORST thing EVER.  I have to let my human touch my FEET.  I hate when people touch my feet.  It’s not even about the whole nail cutting part – which I can’t even DISCUSS – but it’s about touching my FEET.  Frodo hates it too.  Actually, he was the one who told me I should hate it.  When I was a puppy and I went to Puppy Socialization class (now THAT’S fodder for another blog!) at the end of class we used to do this thing called “Pass the Puppy.”  All the humans and their puppies would sit on the floor in a big circle at the end of class.  And all the puppies would be passed to the different humans – to SUPPOSEDLY help us get used to other humans – and to being touched all over.  The first week I thought it was cool. I came home and told Frodo all about it.  He asked me “So what did you do when they touched your feet?”  “Nothing,” I said.  “WRONG.” said Frodo.  “Remember – you MUST do what I do…”

So the next week, I followed my older brother’s advice and did what he did.  I screamed bloody murder any time someone touched my feet.   Imagine the horrified look on the faces of all the humans.  For some reason – everyone wanted to pass me quickly.  Which actually was OK – because I got back to my Mom more quickly.  Did I ever mention that we PONs are pretty smart?!  : )

OK my canine companions – that’s it for my blog on groaming.  And if anyone asks you where you got that word – tell them you found it in Vik-ipedia!  

© 2014 Linda Wozniak