Hear me ROAR

OK.  Sometimes I just don’t GET humans.  First we have a DENTIST who goes to Africa and shoots a lion.  Just because he can.  Proof that getting a degree doesn’t mean you are smart.  Shooting animals on a compound is kind of like fishing in an aquarium.  I just hope he doesn’t have any pets – because he is clearly not respectful of the animal kingdom.  I wish I could have a few minutes with him.  I would….I would….I would…..pee on his leg.  That would show him.

THEN we have an ACTRESS – Jennifer Beals, who was in Vancouver and guess what SHE reportedly did?  She left her dog in a hot car.  Now admittedly we don’t have ALL the details here and the dog was OK– but haven’t we ALL heard about the dangers of pets and kids overheating in hot cars?   I don’t need to post the temperatures here – but suffice to say a car in the summer can QUICKLY become like a hot oven.  In minutes.  COME ON people. 

So that’s my rant for today.  The only good thing about this all this bad news – it takes the spotlight off my buddy Donald for a bit!  You humans! We have so much training to do with you!

©  Linda Wozniak

International Day of Friendship.

July 30.  International Day of Friendship.  Once upon a time – back in the days of my human’s childhood – like 200 years ago – it was possible to have “international friends” through travel and things like Scouts.  You could have pen pals in far off lands – but the average person, who didn’t travel, or didn’t have family in other countries, probably didn’t have THAT many international friends.

Today, with the advent of this thing called the “internet” and this thing called Facebook, I have LOTS of international friends!  I’m amazed to see where people live who read my blog…France, England, Wales, Spain, Sweden, Greece, Belgium, Finland, Japan, the United States and of course, my “motherland” – Poland.   These are some of the countries.  It’s wonderful to see your comments and to know that I’m not the only crazy PON – there are PONs like me all over the world!  Well – maybe not as crazy as me – maybe more are like Frodo – the “serious” but non-stop barking type of PON – but still – we PONs DO share lots of similarities.  And really – we dogs in general share similarities.  Although, I’m not so sure I’m like a poodle.  That grooming stuff is NOT my thing!  Anyway, the internet is a great way for us to connect– and share our techniques for training humans.  We canines need to stick together. 

So happy International Friendship Day to my friends all over the world!  High paw!

©  Linda Wozniak

Rain.

Rain Day.  Again.  Remember that forecast thing on Saint Swithun’s Day?  The thing about if it rains on Swith’s Day it will rain for 40 more days? Well.  On that day, we had sun.  AND showers.  More showers than sun.  Typical Nova Scotia weather.  But since then, the forecast seems to be right.  One day of sun. Two days of rain.  It is getting just a BIT tiring.  The other morning, we actually had sun.  But the day before it had rained.  So when my human walked us up the road, and went to go on the trail in the woods, Frodo put on the brakes.  I mean, it was like trying to get him into the bathtub.  He LEANED back and would NOT go on the trail.  I mean, would NOT go.  Why?  With all the rain, the trail was wet.  It had lots of puddles.  It didn’t matter that the sun was shining that morning.  He KNEW his feet would get wet. My human tried to coax him – and even tried to entice him with treats.  He was having nothing of it.  The brakes were ON.  And a gentle tug resulted in the bucking bronco routine.  We turned around and went back home – with Frodo happily trotting – and me staring longingly back at the trail.

Then yesterday morning, as we got ¾ way up the road and we saw lightning – and a minute later, heard the thunder.  If you ever wanted to see two PONs and a human moving at breakneck speed, you should have seen us.  We got in the house JUST before the skies opened and puppies and kittens came raining down. 

ENOUGH rain.  Please Saint Swithun.  Have mercy!

© Linda Wozniak

Trick me?

You know – humans can be “tricky”.  Sometimes they try to outsmart us.  And we let them think they have.  They need that reinforcement.

For example – on Sunday, my human decided I needed a bath.  I don’t know why – I think I smelled earthy and nice.  But she wanted me smelling like some kind of flower.  Or fruit.  Anyway, she “tricked” me into coming in the garage.   I actually like the garage.  It is where the dog food and all the retrieving toys are stored.  I LONG to get in there- on the off chance that I could eat the 40 lb bag of dog food.  All by myself.  BUT – the garage ALSO has the dog bathtub.  Yes.  We have a bathtub JUST for us dogs.  And a grooming table.  And a dryer that has a motor like a jet engine.  If that dryer was used with a chihuahua, the poor dog would be thrown across the room.

So my human opened the door to the garage and I happily rushed in.  Only to discover that she had towels on the grooming table.  The next thing I knew, I was being lifted up and placed in the tub.  Uh oh.  Imagine my disbelief and disappointment.  So I stood there, with “indignation”, as the soaking and scrubbing began.  And then the marathon drying. 

By the end, I felt totally refreshed.   And I should ALSO mention that I was given copious amounts of treats throughout the “agonizing” affair.  So the whole thing really wasn’t bad.  My human thinks she tricked me into the whole bath thing.  But did she? 

©  Linda Wozniak

Bagpipe Appreciation Day

July 27.  Bagpipe Appreciation Day.  When my human read that it was going to be a day to honor those unique sounding instruments (that some adore and some liken to the sound of wild cats being murdered), she HAD to get a photo of me with a bagpipe.  And because she doesn’t happen to have a spare set of pipes stuck in a closet somewhere, we had to go and FIND some.  Now keep in mind that we DO live in Nova Scotia- where bagpiping is far from rare, so it isn’t all that hard to find someone piping – especially in tourist destinations.   So we headed off to one of THE most popular tourist sites in the province – Peggy’s Cove.  Peggy’s Cove is recognized for it’s famous lighthouse, and rocky terrain.  And luckily, it is only about 20 minutes from our house.  And given that we are in prime tourist season, it is QUITE likely one can find a piper playing on the rocky shore.

My human likes to go to Peggy’s Cove any time of the year, and she actually likes it when the tourist season is over.  It’s more peaceful, and there is no shortage of parking available.  But not at this time of the year.  She hasn’t actually been there on a Sunday afternoon in July for a LONG time.  The place was PACKED with people.  The parking lots were FULL and people had to jockey for spaces.  Hardly a restful time.  But we were on a quest – and sure enough – we found a piper.

My human had played some bagpipe music for me BEFORE we got there – so I wouldn’t be too surprised with the sound.  There was really no need for the desensitization. Frankly, I could NOT have cared less once I got there.  I was just so excited with all the sites, the sounds and the smells.  When the piper finished a tune, my human asked him if he would mind taking a photo with me – for my blog.  Surprisingly, he had never met a dog with a blog before.  I sat next to him – and he remarked that he has been asked to take photos with dogs before – but never one who was so well trained.  Bwhwhahahahaha.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!  Me?  Well trained?  It actually was the yummy treat my human had shoved in his hand when she backed up to take the photo.  Still – he was impressed.  We paid the piper (pun intended) by putting some money in his bagpipe case.  He was a very nice man.  We then continued to walk around the village a bit, taking more photos.  And can you believe it – people asked to take photos of ME?  They must have recognized me from my blog. Everyone commented how “cute” I was.  And how well behaved.  My human started to wonder if I had been drugged.

Anyway, we found our piper – and if you can’t find one yourself today, just listen to some pipe music on your computer.  But be sure to let your dogs know 

before you do so!  Not everyone may appreciate the pipes as much as we Nova Scotians!

©  Linda Wozniak

Obsess-a-poop

My human’s super-busy time at work is coming to a close and soon she will officially be on vacation.  Yesterday, I KNEW that things were slowing down – and it was the weekend – so I wanted to go for an extra long walk.  And there is a strategy for getting a longer walk…. When she took Frodo and I for our morning constitutional, I refused to poop.  I wanted to go for a LONGER walk.  Despite the fact that it had begun spitting rain.  Frodo wanted to go home – but once I was wet, I didn’t care.  I trotted gleefully along.   

My human took Frodo home and then it was time for Paxton’s walk.  And yours truly got to go along again.  You see, I have figured out that if you DON’T poop, you get to go out again.  Clever or what?   So Paxton and I went for another walk – and I STILL didn’t poop.  At this point, my human began to display that weird human behavior – obsess-a-poop.  It’s when humans, who know our daily bowel routine, begin to become concerned when we break our routine.  I could SEE my human obsessing.  And she pleaded, "Viktor hurry up," about 10,000 times.  She slowly walked down our long driveway, thinking we would be going back out for another walk.  But juuuuuuuust as we got close to the house, I figured I was wet enough, so I happily made my deposit. 

Just THINK the fun I am going to have when her vacation OFFICIALLY begins.  We’ll be walking for HOURS!!!!!

©  Linda Wozniak

Dancing

July 25.  National Dance Day.  Another great human pastime.  And some dogs do indeed like to dance.  It’s called Canine Freestyle.  My human has seen dogs in Freestyle at Crufts – and she loved it. 

She actually used to do something called “Drill Team” years ago through the local Kennel Club with several of her Bernese and her lab.  As a matter of fact, Bucket Head even used to do it.  Dogs and humans would march in formation to music.  And they would go and do performances at nursing homes and other events.  Then the team folded and their musical marching  days were over. Paxton was quite the hit when the group used to perform.  Drool and all.

When my human plays music at home and she has a dancing “moment”, Paxton likes to join in.  All 100+ lbs of Bernese will trot back and forth through my human’s legs.  He loves it.  I, on the other hand, try to jump up and bite my human in the butt.  I get a bit tooooo excited at the prospect of dancing.  Really – I just hope there will be treats.  

Frodo has two left paws – he just stands and barks when music is played. 

Yes indeed, we have an interesting household.  I’m thinking we could be the subjects of a reality TV show.  Seriously. 

OK – I’m off to practice my dance moves!  Have a GREAT day!!

©  Linda Wozniak

We love visitors. Really.

How to open the jaws of a PON who has just discovered some unsavory tidbit on the roadside…  My human’s friend had this problem the other day….

My human's friend, and our buddy, is still visiting for a few more weeks and we have trained him very well.  He gets us treats on command, takes us out when we want (even though we don’t REALLY need to go out) and we have convinced him it is FINE for us to go on the furniture.  All of course when our human is NOT home.

The other day he decided to take Frodo and I for a quick walk up the road.  It seems there had been some workmen doing some paving work, just before we took our walk.  And one of them must have been a litterbug – someone threw out a candy bar.  Which of COURSE I spotted.  And grabbed.

My human’s friend tried desperately to pry my mouth open.  He blew on my nose. Tugged at the tiny piece of paper that was hanging out the side of my mouth and BEGGED me to open up.  I didn’t even move a muscle – my jaw was CLENCHED shut.  After what seemed like minutes – but was probably more like 20 seconds, he tickled my nose and I dropped the treasure.  He grabbed it and in a moment of relief tossed the bar into the woods.  In the meantime, Frodo began to sniff the ground and I IMMEDIATELY bounced on him – this was MY bounty.  In a FLASH, Frodo pinned me on my back and yelled at me.  The wrestling match was over before it began.  I quickly conceded defeat.

My human’s friend was exhausted by the time we got back home.  I think it was fine – he needed the exercise and the adrenaline rush.  It’s good for him. 

I think he is counting the days until he goes home. But I DO think he will miss us.  How could he not?  Where else can you get this kind of entertainment on a daily basis?

© Linda Wozniak

National Hot Dog Day

July 23.  National Hot Dog Day.  Yum.  Did you know that hot dogs were the first food eaten on the moon?  Yup.  And that the average American eats 50 hot dogs a YEAR?!

While many think of hot dogs as an “All American” food – they actually originated in Germany.   Although hot dogs are NOT known to be the healthiest food, I must confess, if my human wants me to learn a new trick – I will do just about ANYTHING for a tiny piece of hot dog.  True- any kind of food works – but to REALLY get my attention – like at a dog show, a tiny piece of a frankfurter works WONDERS.  A piece of hot dog makes ME a hot dog!

The world's longest hot dog was made in 2006 in Japan - it was 197 feet long.  Is that not a PON dream come true?!

You CAN make your hot dog dining experience a BIT more healthy – by checking for nitrate and sodium levels on the package.  But honestly, that’s a human thing.  Like I said before, we canines will eat anything!

So have a dog on me today – but hold the mustard!

© Linda Wozniak

Spoonerisms

July 22.  Spoonerism Day.  Spoonerisms are named after the Reverend William Archibald Spooner, who was dean of New College in Oxford from 1876-1899.  Dr. Spooner was supposed to be noted for his “ability” to use this form of “word play” – although I’m not sure it was always intentional!  Spoonerisms include “tips of the slongue” – or reversals of letters in strings of words.

An example of Dr. Spooner’s slips include when he once referred to a well-oiled bicycle as "a well-boiled icicle."

Some spoonerisms are quite clever – and some – not so much.  They are DEFINTELY NOT my forte.  The best I can tell you is that yesterday we saw a “runny babbit” and a “flutter by” in the yard, just after my human cut my “no tails”.  After that, Frodo would not “bop starking. “ And we were both mad because it was “roaring pain.”

OK.  That’s it.  "Eye ball"!!!

©  Linda Wozniak

Don't hamper my efforts!

Our house is a disaster.  OK.  It’s not THAT bad – but things ARE a bit more chaotic than normal – as we are having renovations.  Humans have this “thing” where they look at a room that they have been using for YEARS and all of a sudden they say “Ewwww – I don’t like this.”  We canines really don’t care about that kind of stuff – this is totally a human thing.  Anyway, what seems like three years ago, but is more like three weeks – the demolition began on what is called the “master” bathroom.   My human is technically the “master” of the house – so I GUESS it is her bathroom.  What began as a simple shower “replacement” became a full on, rip out, down to the studs destruction.  Tile came off the walls and the floor.  I think Frodo should have helped as he is great at digging, but my human said “no.”, 

Things have come to a halt as we all excitedly await the back-ordered shower.  OK.  None of us canines is all that excited.  And because of the destruction, there are a few “things” in the bedroom that would normally have their home in the bathroom.  Like this clothes hamper. ..

The hamper has been in the bedroom since the explosion began – holding dirty clothing awaiting the laundry.  But last night, I discovered something. …

My human came in the room and there I was with my head wedged in the fabric hamper – which stands on a metal base.  “What are you doing?” she asked.  What was I doing?  I discovered TREASURE in there.  You see, 90% of my human’s clothing has pockets.  And in those pockets, one can find dog kibble.  She’s like a squirrel preparing for winter – she always carries kibble.  And of course, she has to empty her pockets before she does the laundry – or you end up with “kibocket” – the broken up, sometimes mushy residue of dog kibble in pockets after it has been through the wash.  Anyway, when my human came in, I was quickly eating through the pockets of my human’s shorts.

“Stop” she shouted and extricated me from the hamper.  She “secured” the velcro cover and told me to leave it alone.  You would think the velcro would be easy to open – but Frodo took a different approach when my human left the room.  He just quickly ripped a hole in the cover of the hamper.  Quickly.  I mean SUPER quickly.  My human couldn’t have been out of the room a minute.  But honestly, we are talking PONs and food.  It’s no surprise really.

The hamper, or what's left of it, has now been placed in a closet.

Apparently the new shower will be in this week.  And then we can supervise the workers as they continue with the renovation of our new bathroom.  Note I said “our”.  Because really, we DO own this place….

Now excuse me while I see if I can get in that closet…

©  Linda Wozniak

Moon Day

Today is Moon Day.   On this day in 1969, Apollo 11 was the first manned spacecraft to land on the moon.  My human is so old, she remembers that day.  The next day, two guys Armstrong and Aldrin walked on the moon.  To mark the momentous occasion, they left behind several items including a plaque, an Apollo mission patch, and a silicon message disc – with greetings and goodwill messages from the leaders of more than 70 countries.

It would be cool to be the first dog on the moon.  And you know that we canines would also have to leave our mark.  Although it could be tricky as there aren’t any trees there….

Happy Moon Day.

©  Linda Wozniak

Stick Out Your Tongue Day

July 19.  Stick Out Your Tongue Day.  Remember – I don’t make these up! 

Now I have talked before about picnore – that behavior that we canines employ when we refuse to look at our humans as they attempt to take our photos.  We look up, down, every which way except at the camera.  Paxton and I are pros at picnore.

But the other behavior is sticking your tongue out at the camera.  There is this thing about dog photos – when we put out our tongues, we can look very cute and relaxed.  HOWEVER, there are also those photos that don’t look so cute – those shots where we are basically sticking our tongues out at the camera.  My human has LOADS of those photos of me.  I do it ALL the time.  It’s my way of expressing my feelings about paparazzi.  Lots of times my human just deletes them.  But I did manage to find a few in the archives.

Enjoy!!

© Linda Wozniak

Passports

Pistol and Boo are safe but it looks like their humans are still in trouble.  Who are Pistol and Boo?  Two Yorkshire terriers. Their humans?   Johhny Depp and his wife Amber.  And why are the humans in trouble?  It seems the pirate and his wife tried to smuggle their tiny pooches into Australia on a private plane back in May while Captain Jack was filming a movie there.  Australia has strict quarantine laws for importing animals – and apparently the couple tried to sneak their dogs into the country.  The dogs were quickly returned to the US,  but Amber was charged.  She could face a hefty fine and/or jail time.  My bet is that she pays a fine and all will be OK. We’ll se what happens – she goes to court in September.

This story made me look into the traveling restrictions between countries for us pets  Holy moly there sure are lots of DIFFERENT requirements.  Classifications INCLUDE:

·      From one RABIES-CONTROLLED COUNTRY to another RABIES-CONTROLLED COUNTRY

·      From a RABIES-CONTROLLED COUNTRY to a EU COUNTRY

·      From a RABIES-CONTROLLED COUNTRY to a RABIES-FREE COUNTRY

·      From a RABIES-CONTROLLED COUNTRY to a HIGH-RABIES COUNTRY

·      From a HIGH-RABIES COUNTRY to another HIGH-RABIES COUNTRY

·      From a HIGH-RABIES COUNTRY to certain RABIES-FREE COUNTRIES

·      From a RABIES-CONTROLLED COUNTRY to outer space.  OK.  I added that one.

Note I said the classifications INCLUDE these example.  It is all VERY complex.  There is a website about Pet Travel that seems to have all the info one would need about international travel with us canine kids.  They even suggest that we get a Passport.  Of course I now want one.  It doesn’t matter that I don’t have any immediate plans for international travel.  When my best seller hits the market, I will no doubt need one.  That – and a private plane.  

©  Linda Wozniak