The four words

You know, you humans amaze me.  You have like a gazillion words in your vocabulary.  And yet you select the same old four word phrase when we canines perform some unscrupulous act.  The famous "What did you do?"  And I've actually heard it twice in the last two days...

Honestly - I don't know WHY you humans say that.  I mean you can clearly SEE what we have done.  Are you expecting us to give you some other explanation?  I can even see you saying "Why do you do this?"  That really makes more sense, doesn't it?   Isn't that what you REALLY want to know?  What did I do?  I tore the pillowcase on my human's bed while she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth before bed.  Well, really....tore is not exactly correct.  More like annihilated.  And it was pretty darn clear what I had done, sitting in front of the pillow with fabric hanging out of my mouth.  So asking "What did you do?" is pretty silly.  The correct question is why.  Why did I do it?  Because I could.  I had actually started on that particular piece of bedding a few weeks ago.  But then stopped.  But Saturday night I was just feeling in the mood for a little badness. Frodo just watched.  I was immediately banished from my comfy spot on the bed.  Until my human fell asleep.  And then I was back up.

My other "What did you do?" moment was yesterday morning - when my human was taking the FG out for his first pee.  We know the drill.  He goes first.  Then us PONs.  But I still had some residual badness left over from the previous night - so just as my human opened the door to take the FG out, I burst past and ran out - with my sidekick, Frodo following.  We NEVER do that.  In the morning anyway.  Maybe it was the excitement of the previous night's snowstorm.  My human had to call us back in and say those famous words.  Again.  I just rolled my eyes.

So to help you humans, since you can't seem to diversify your language, allow me to provide you with some other suggestions when we canines are bad.  Besides the "Why did you do this?" option, how about one of the following:

• Can you tell me why you felt the need to do this?
• Is there anything I can do to help you when these urges come on?
• What possessed you to do this?
• Can you think of something else you could have done instead of this?
• Do you need more toys to occupy your time?
• Can I take you out more?

Try those the next time your canine does something naughty.   Not that we will necessarily answer - but it definitely makes YOU look smarter.  And heck, we'll ALWAYS take more toys and walks!

Have a good Monday!!