Blowing coat.

Heaven help us.  If you think PONs are hard to groom – let me introduce you to a Bernese Mountain Dog who is currently doing something called “blowing coat.”  Wrestling with a PON seems easier than dealing with THIS challenge.

My poor human.  Yesterday she decided that Paxton was overdue for a grooming.  Once upon a time, she thought Berners were a challenge to groom – and then she got us PONs.  And she learned that Berners don’t mat NEARLY as easily as PONs.  Although Berners require a regular brushing – every few weeks is FINE.  We PONs require MUCH more brushing.  So by comparison, Berners are easier.  Unless they are dum-da-dum-dum – blowing coat.  This a “process” that happens probably twice a year.  While Berners DO shed all the time – it is  increased exponentially during the “blowing coat” phase.  All you have to do is LOOK at them – and HUGE tufts of hair come out.  EVERYWHERE.

So yesterday, my human took Pax outside and started to brush.  Frodo and I watched from inside, giving our personal comments about what was happening.  My human brushed, and Paxton got smaller.  And smaller.  And the garbage can got more and more full.  And when she was “done” she decided for some crazy reason – to ALSO give Paxton a bath.  Frodo and I recently had baths – so it was Pax’s turn.  Frodo and I snickered.  But Pax really doesn’t care.  He willingly gets in the tub and stands there with no fighting.  Unlike us PON brothers – who make it appear we are being murdered – and make everyone within a 5 mile radius know it too.  Pax stands and loves the washing, the scrubbing and the rinsing.  And he happily stands there while the air plane engine blow dryer pushes away all the water.  BUT – with a Berner who is “blowing coat” – it not ONLY pushes away water – it pushes away hair.  LOTS and LOTS of hair.  It flies EVERYWHERE.  Before you know it – the entire room looks like a dog EXPLODED in it.  There is hair EVERYWHERE.  My human had to stop drying him, because she had hair in her EYES.  She had to take her contacts out – she couldn’t see for the Berner hair.  Seriously.

So my human “finished” with Pax and let him in the house while she proceeded to clean the tub and vacuum the room.  She cleaned for probably a half hour.  She gathered up a half dozen dog towels to throw in the wash.  And she came in the house to grab a bite to eat.  And while she was eating, Pax sat next to her.  She started to pet him – and realized he wasn’t FULLY dry.  And she looked at her hand and it was COVERED in Pax hair.  Covered.  “AGGGGGGHHHHHHHH”,  she cried.  She whisked him back into the grooming room.  She turned on the dryer AGAIN and worked on his coat until he was, without a doubt, completely dry.  And guess what?  The garage looked like it did the FIRST time – with hair EVERYWHERE.  So the cleaning process needed to be done. Again.

Frodo and I didn’t make a move – for fear we would be next.  But after cleaning up the second round of Pax hair, there was NO chance she was going to brush or bathe us.  Perfect.  We hope Paxton keeps blowing coat for another three months. 

© Linda Wozniak