Say what?

OK, sometimes you humans need to listen to yourselves.  You say things….well…that are either stretching the truth – or sometimes just plain nonsense.  Allow me to give you some examples of the kinds of lines we routinely hear in our household…

·      “Where’s your sit?”  This is generally said when we have been told to sit – and we are not doing so.  Like at mealtime.  I KNOW I am supposed to sit – but sometimes, I don’t.  At which point my human utters this question.   Where’s your sit?  Where is it?  In Hawaii.  I wish I could say that.  I mean, where IS it?  In the refrigerator.  I don’t know where it IS – but clearly it’s not here, right now.  Save the polite question.  Just tell me to sit.  I still may not do it – but at least I won’t have a bunch of smart remarks swirling through my mind.

·      “I won’t be long.”  Right.  You say this when you are going to be gone for ANY amount of time.  Ranging from an hour – to 5 hours.  Just be honest.  We know you feel guilty leaving our sad faces when you are heading out the door – but just say “I will be gone for 2.5 hours.”  We would appreciate knowing just how much time we have to destroy the house.

·      “Who’s coming?”  This is usually a TOTALLY false statement – said when you are about to take a photo.  The expectation is that we will get all excited and lift our ears in that cute expression that you are hoping for.  But seriously, we are on to you.  Just say “smile.”  We may or we may not – depending on how we are feeling that day.  But don’t do the false alarm question, when no one is really coming.  Remember the story of the boy who cried wolf?

·      “Just two more minutes.”  We hear this when we are being brushed and WE are done.  Our human says this, as if it will make this boring routine that much more tolerable.  Just say “I need to brush every inch of you until I am satisfied that you do not have even a TRACE of a tangle in your coat and I will do so until I am finished.”  But when you say this, please keep the ever-ready supply of treats handy.

These are just a FEW examples of the way our human rambles on and talks to us and says things that don’t always make sense.  And then you wonder why we, well Frodo anyway, barks all the time?  He’s just doing the same thing.  Back at ya human!

©  2014  Linda Wozniak