Rally. Really?

I should have figured something was up.  On Saturday, my human got out a pile of treats – and stuffed them in her pockets. Hmmmmm.  We had just been groomed – so it couldn’t be THAT again.

So she announced – “We are going outside.  One by one. Viktor first.”  Did I ever mention I am always first?  Probably because if I am NOT first, I scream bloody murder.  Yes, I know that’s bad.  It means I am a bit of a brat.  But let’s face it – I’m a lovable brat.

Anyway, I went outside – and found out that it was time for some rally “training.”  I LOVE training.  In fact, I get SO excited, my head explodes.  I can’t even THINK straight.  I spin, I twirl, I squeak.  When I am asked to sit in heel position, I LEAP into my spot.  My human has to get me to CALM down – and start thinking.  Which I eventually do – because I don’t get treats if I’m acting like a Tasmanian Devil.  So we did “exercises” – the kind you do in something called “Rally Obedience”.  And then it was Frodo’s turn.  Frodo is MUCH more controlled when he is training.  Although he DOES bark.  A LOT.  Especially if he does something wrong – and my human asks him to do it again.  Boy – you should hear him complain!!!

And then it was Pax’s turn.  Pax drools throughout his training.  And it takes him 2 minutes to chew a treat the size of a kernel of corn.  His training session is usually shorter than my or Frodo’s.

And why the sudden training blitz?  Well.  I think I mentioned that Frodo is entered is some kind of contest next weekend.  And since he has done no training in….hmmmmmm….months – my human figured it was time to cram.  In addition, APPARENTLY we are BOTH entered in some kind of Rally Team event, later in the month.  My human was contacted by some dog friends – who were forming a team.  Their dogs bark a lot – and they were trying to think of two other dogs to be on the team.  When they thought of dogs that bark, for SOME reason they thought of us.  Go figure.  Now THAT will be entertaining.  Watch for the video – I’m sure it will go viral.

I also JUST heard that Frodo and I are going to some kind of practice match- TONIGHT.  I haven’t even had time to prepare.  My human better be taking some REALLY, REALLY good treats -if she wants to avert total public embarrassment.  Just getting the two of us IN the door will be fun.  Lots of dogs.  Lots of people.  Lots to smell.  Olfactory overload – and total brain explosion.  I can hardly wait!

Stay tuned for more rally updates.  And don’t forget…soon we will ALSO be going herding.  Now THAT will be extra entertaining!!!

Have a good one!

© Linda Wozniak

The frog.

So the night before last, my human went to take each of us out for our last pee before bed.  We go out on a leash, because you never know WHAT might be out in the dark - foxes, rabbits, birds, deer, raccoons, fireflies – and the other night, a very terrifying creature.  One that I wasn’t prepared for.  A frog.

We were walking back to the house and just as we were a few feet from the entry, a frog jumped into our path and sat RIGHT in front of the door.  I didn’t know WHAT he was, but my human held me back as she didn’t have an appetite for frog’s legs.  And she didn’t want me to have them either.  So we stood there.  A dog and a human.  Staring at a frog.  Who wouldn’t move.  My human stomped her foot.  He wouldn’t move.  She stomped closer.  He wouldn’t move.  She couldn’t open the door – as he would go in – and meet Frodo and Paxton waiting for him.  So my human picked up the entry mat, and nudged him with it.  Well.  He leaped into the air, toward me – and I leaped 3 feet into the air - backward.  I think he may even have hit me in the scramble – but the last thing I saw was the frog hopping into the bushes.  Phew.  WHAT an experience.  Give me a bunny any day – they never jump AT you!

Otherwise, my human’s lip is starting to look like it belongs to her again.  And not like she went for some kind of lopsided lip enhancement.  And speaking of lopsided…my human noticed during the groom-a-thon a.k.a. wrestling match the other day that Frodo is sporting the asymmetrical look with his ears again.  Thanks to moi. I love to trim Frodo’s ears.  Well – just one ear.  It gives him a unique, trendy, uneven look.  I think it’s cool.  My human on the other hand, does not appreciate my hairstyling abilities.  Good thing he is not entered in any beauty pageants soon.

Well, it’s about time to do some fetching.  Actually, any time is good for fetching.  Gotta go.  Have a great day!

©  Linda Wozniak

Oops.

So yesterday began with my human sporting a bloody fat lip.  All before she even got out of bed.  Provided by a projectile PON who was SO happy to wake her up.  Yes.  That would be me.  At the very moment I was in mid air about to leap onto her chest and to greet the new day, my human went to get up and WHAM.  I got her.  I got her good. Oops.  Sorry.......

While she was checking for blood – which of course there was, Paxton decided to join the party – and so did Frodo.  Yes.  We are the dogs who are “not allowed” on the bed.  I have actually been sneaking up every night – my human awoke in the middle of the night to find me comfortably situated right behind her legs. No wonder she found it so warm sleeping.

Anyway, she’s still on vacation and yesterday was a HUGE celebration.  The tile guy FINALLY finished the tile work in the bathroom!  The project, which is taking longer than it probably took to build the Colosseum,  had been put on hold while my human was away – she didn’t want to burden the dog sitter with renovations – on TOP of looking after us.  So the reno resumed the day after she returned.  Now the next step includes installation of the shower door, the toilet, the sink and the cabinet.  Maybe THEN we’ll actually be allowed to take a look around.  I hope we like it. Honestly humans – it really IS easier just to poop in the woods.  And cheaper.

It’s a sunny day.  Time for some zoomies.  Have a good one!

©  Linda Wozniak

Frodo. The contender.

Ever hear of the World Wrestling Federation?  Or World Wrestling Entertainment, as it is now called?  It’s not REAL wrestling – it’s basically entertainment that looks like wrestling – and no doubt feels like wrestling at times, but it’s not a REAL contest.  My apologies to anyone who may not have known that – and who actually believed it was legitimate wrestling.  I’m sorry I ruined the illusion.

Well I am here to tell you that Frodo is trying out for the WWE.  Seriously.

One of the challenges of going away on holidays, besides Paxton’s gastrointestinal issues, is the fact that while our sitter takes WONDERFUL care of us…she doesn’t groom us.  Yes, when our human walks in the door, our sitter has painstakingly managed to put our hair in topknots – or in what many call “pineapple head” – but  that’s as far as the grooming goes. 

So yesterday, my human had to give us the complete brush down.  Now I’m not a HUGE challenge when it comes to grooming.  I wiggle a bit, but I QUITE enjoy the copious amounts of treats doled out through the process.  And honestly, my coat is not all that hard to manage. 

But then we have Frodo.  The WWE contender.

Frodo wiggles, squirms and moans throughout the entire ordeal.  He cries.  He squeaks.  He pants.  Like he is being tortured.  My human has to practically lean on him with one arm while she brushes with the other.  But, the SECOND my human steps away from the table to grab another treat from the pile, he pops his head up, rolls over and looks JUST fine.  No panting.  No obvious pain.  He’s not in agony.  The whole wrestling match thing is a farce.  It’s an act to make it look like he is being murdered.  And he is EXCELLENT at it.  Honestly, his performance is Oscar material.  Look out Lassie.

Now mind you – the wrestling that my human has to do IS real.  After several hours with the two of us, she looked at Paxton and said “later buddy.”  She then went in the house and collapsed on the couch.

When Frodo was finished, I should add, he happily jumped off the table and proudly shook himself off.  He didn’t appear to be in any pain after the “grueling” battle.  He is DEFINITELY a candidate for WWE.  And I’ll be his agent.

©  Linda Wozniak

National Banana Lovers Day

August 27.  National Banana Lovers Day.   The dogs in our household LOVE bananas.  It was my human’s mother who started us on the banana trend.  One day after breakfast when she was visiting, she asked my human if she could “share” a piece of banana with each of us.  BIG mistake.  Now whenever someone is eating a banana, we sit and stare at them – and Paxton does his best drool routine.  Works every time.

Speaking of Bucket Head, he had his usual “gastrointestinal” issues a few days after my human went on her holiday.  Happens every time.  Paxton loves the sitter – we ALL do – but any change in routine and the big guy gets…sorry for being graphic – but the soupy poops.  He’s a Momma’s boy if there ever was one.  My human hasn’t been home for 24 hours and he is back to “normal.”  Well, normal in the poop department anyway.  Frodo and I, on the other hand, are thankfully, “regular” kinds of guys.   We know how humans stress over our poop – so it’s a good thing two of us don’t have “those issues” too.

OK.  Enough on that topic –especially if you are enjoying breakfast. 

Today is also Thoughtful Thursday.  A day to do something nice for someone else.  Let’s see – what would be a thoughtful gesture?  Well – we did one already – we let our human sleep in until 6:30AM – because she’s still on vacation. I think that's pretty thoughtful!  Mind you - we weren't in a hurry to go out because it is raining....

I know what you humans can do to be thoughtful – give your dog a piece of a banana.  That way you get two celebrations in one.  Perfect. But remember – no banana peels and everything in moderation!

Excuse me while I watch Paxton drool.

© Linda Wozniak

National Dog Day

August 26.  A SUPER special day – in several ways.  First off – it is National Dog Day.  A day to celebrate us canines -and all the wonderful ways we enrich the lives of humans.  I think no other species on earth is as versatile, helpful, entertaining and lovable as us canines.  We come in a huge variety of shapes (from long and skinny, to tall and lanky…), sizes (from the handheld variety to the small horse trailer size) and colors (black, white, brown, silver, copper and even something called blue merle – to name a few!). 

And just how many of us dogs are there on the planet?  It’s apparently a tough question to answer, because not all countries in the world see dogs as household pets – as is the practice in North America and Europe. In some places in the world there are LOTS of strays who live outside in the “wild.”  Oh the horror.  To think that some poor dogs don’t have a bed to sleep on, or toys to play with….It sure makes me appreciate my home!  Anyway, a gross estimate according to some sources is that there are at least 525 MILLION dogs on the planet.  Yup – there are lots of us out there.  So it is fitting that we have a day to celebrate us!  Mind you….every day is Dog Day in out house!

Speaking of which – today is also a great day because….tum ta tum…my human is home!!!!!!  She got back yesterday – and she looks well rested.  That look won’t last long.  Anyway – the big news – the SCREEN DOOR IS INTACT.  We decided to be good this time.  And all in all – no major catastrophes while she was away.  OK.  One SMALL one.  I broke a leash.  But it wasn’t my fault really.  I went to take the sitter out for her walk – and as I walked out the door, who do you think was sitting on MY lawn?!  The bunny.  So of course I needed to protect the sitter from that fearsome creature and one hard pull caused the old leash to break.  It needed to be replaced anyway.  And I DID come back….

The guilt gifts were good.  Some treats and some new bones.  But no stuffed toys. Maybe for Christmas....

So today - enjoy National Dog Day.  Humans – give your dog an extra treat.  And dogs – give those humans an extra wag.  They really ARE worth keeping. Even when they don't buy us stuffed toys...

©  Linda Wozniak

Guilt gifts

Two more sleeps.  And my human will be home!!!  She sent me a text – letting me know she is having a good time – but she is ready to come home.  She’s visiting with friends – but there’s no place like home.  Especially OUR home.  With three of the best dogs on the PLANET.  OK.  I’m just trying to be good so she brings back good guilt gifts. She sent me a photo from a pet store – which was a bit of a tease.   

She said she WISHES she could buy those cute stuffed toys made for dogs.  But not us dogs.  My human goes so far as to pick up and inspect stuffed toys, then envisions which parts would come off first - and they are returned to the store shelf.  5 minutes or less in our house and the “adorable” stuffed aardvark would be missing a tail.  The fluffy friendly-face fox would be missing his ears AND his nose.  The elephant would be quickly be missing his trunk.  We boys also enjoy performing “internal surgery” by removing stuffing.  The only reason the bunny – from the “find the bunny” game has survived as long as he has, is because he is IMMEDIATELY taken away once the game is over. So our guilt gifts will likely be limited to fetch toys, bones or treats.  Which we will happily accept!

We will have tales to tell when she gets home…we always do.  So far so good though – no emergency calls to our human by the sitter.  That’s always a comfort!

Have a good one!!!

© Linda Wozniak

A human birthday

August 20.  Well today is a special day.  It's World Mosquito Day.  Seriously.  I'm not exactly sure  how we celebrate mosquitoes.  Everyone wear extra bug spray?  Remember - I don't make these up.  

In addition to a day marking annoying insects - it's another day.  It’s my human’s birthday.  Humans can be kind of funny when it comes to birthdays.  It seems you hit a certain age, and you get more nervous with each birthday.  You look in the mirror and survey the effects of another year.  Not us dogs, we look in the mirror and see another dog – and some of us try to either make friends with that dog – or attack him.  And we don’t really care about birthdays – although a birthday usually signals extra treats and sometimes even a party.  Which is perfect.  We live for the here and now – and perhaps humans could take a lesson from us.  For us dogs, every day is a birthday!

As far as my human's age...let's just say, she was born BEFORE Facebook.  And actually.... she was born - if you can believe it - BEFORE the Internet.  I think she knew Moses.  It's amazing really.

Human birthdays can mark a time to look back on what you have done since the LAST birthday.  Let’s see….if my calculations are correct, my human has done over 1400 dog walks since her last birthday.  Over 100 grooming sessions.  Countless photo shoots with us canines.  And she has said “Viktor stop it” probably 1 million times. 

The other big “dog event” since her last birthday was the launching of this blog. Through this blog we have “met” many wonderful humans and canines all over the world.

My human is still away – but we’ll be sure to celebrate with her when she comes home.  And of course, while she is gone, we are working on lots of material for the blog.  It’s our “gift” to her!

Happy birthday to my human!  We miss her - and we know she misses us too.

©  Linda Wozniak

National Bad Poetry Day

Dogs.       by Viktor

Dogs are good.  Dogs are bad.

We make you happy.  We make you sad.

We can learn a trick.  We can ignore your call.

We can fetch a stick.   Some prefer a ball.

We can pull a cart.  We can chase a sheep.

To own three of us is far from cheap.

We like to bark.  At what we hear.

When it’s dark.  But you have nothing to fear.

Because we like to tease you.  And sometimes please you.

We’re very smart.   For the most part.

We like to walk.  We love to run.

To chase a bunny is extra fun.

Take us to the park. We’ll be sure to leave our mark.

That’s what we do – we go out to pee.  We go out to poo.

You build up great muscle – when you have us to wrestle.

When you bring out the brush – you’ll see us rush.

When it’s time for a groom we run out of the room.

We love to eat.  Any time of day.

If you want to train us, a treat goes a long way.

We are special creatures.  With unique features.

And once you own a dog – your life is never the same.

You are lucky to have us.  Even though we drive you insane.

©  Linda Wozniak

Rally on Lassie

Good day.  Yes – I am still on my blog-cation but my human just sent me a text – actually the text was for Frodo.  It seems my human has entered Frodo in some kind of dog show – doing something called “Rally Excellent.”  Not “Rally Mediocre” – that would be more my speed.  No.  Frodo gets to try for something called “excellent.” And now my human is beginning to panic since we have done no “official” training in months.  Now THIS should be entertaining.  I envision LOTS of treats for Frodo when she gets home.  Pax and I will just watch. 

Good thing this rally thing doesn’t involve walking on a leash on a trail.  Or demonstrating any kind of Lassie-like behavior.  What do I mean?  Well you know – Lassie was a famous collie – who could do anything and was especially good at saving people if they were in trouble.  Us PONs?  Not so good at channeling inner Lassie.  For example, last week while my human was walking Frodo and I on the trail one morning, she tripped and fell FLAT on her face on the trail.  She spontaneously let go of our leashes.  She lay there for a second and surmised that that were no SHARP pains – like the time she fell and broke her wrist.  So she slowly got up.  All the time Frodo and I were happily traveling along on the trail.  We didn’t give her a second look.  She mumbled that we had no Lassie-like instincts in our DNA.  But she was wrong.  We knew she was OK.  So why make a big deal of it?  Kind of like when a kid trips and falls.  If the parents get all stressed and “oooooo and awwwww” – the kid cries more.  But if the parents check them out and determine everything is OK, and they don’t get all upset, the kid is quickly better.  That’s what Frodo and I did.  We knew she was fine.  If she HAD been injured, one of us would have stayed with her, while the other one ran for help.  Suuuuuuure we would…..

OK.  That’s the update for today.  It’s HOT here.  Very hot. But we’re enjoying our time with the sitter.  And still eyeing the screen door…

Have a good one!

©  Linda Wozniak

Happy Saint Roch Day!

August 16.  It’s me – Viktor! I’m still officially on my blog-cation – but today is a special day – so of course I had to say a few words – and update you about my latest exploits.

First off – do you know what day it is?! Saint Roch Day!  And who is Saint Roch?!  The patron saint of DOGS!!!  Yup.  We dogs have our very own Saint.  I think we need to spread the word about him.  I mean people know about Saint Patrick and Saint Nicholas – but what about Saint Roch?  He supposedly healed many people of the bubonic plague – and when HE contracted it himself, it was a DOG who licked his wounds and brought him food – and healed him.  How about that?!  I think it should be a national holiday.  I’ll work on it.

In other news – the bathroom destruction drags on.  And we continue to try and sneak in the disaster zone.  I think if I had been made the supervisor for this project, the whole thing would have been done by now.   I’m not so sure I like the tile guy – he comes in late and then the other day he was “sick.”  He does good work – but he IS kinda pokey.  On Thursday when he was cutting tiles in the garage – which ALSO happens to be our “grooming” room – he warned my human while she was grooming me, that the saw noise would be loud – and I might get scared.  My human said “nah – they are used to the airplane engine dog blow dryer – so they’ll be fine.”  And she was right – I couldn’t have cared less – and Frodo didn’t care either.  We’re all pretty bomb proof when it comes to loud noises.  Probably because we are all accustomed to Frodo’s incessant, air-raid-level barking. 

What else is new?  Someone peed on carpet on the landing of the stairs.  None of us is confessing.  And I don’t want to point paws – but FRODO did drink an ENTIRE bowl of water the other night before bed.  Just saying.  Peeing in the house is NOT typical in our house – so it really is a mystery.  I suggested sending the sample to a forensics lab for identification. You've heard of CSI - Crime Scene Investigation?  This is PSI.

Oh and on another note – we are all looking for a new human.  Why?  Because as I type this, she is AWAY for a few days.  Yup.  We have been abandoned.  OK.  Not REALLY abandoned.  The dog sitter is here – and we DO adore her.  We’re just waiting for the opportunity to put a hole in the screen door to the deck.  We’ve done it twice while she was here before.  So we need to keep with tradition.  Having a sitter isn’t THAT bad – and we are certain there will be the customary “guilt gifts” for us when our human returns. 

Gotta go – time to beg the sitter for some more treats!  Stay well my friends and Happy Saint Roch Day!

©  Linda Wozniak

Blog-cation

Summer.  The good things?  Playing ball.  Going for long walks.  Staring longingly at the food on the barbecue. Having my human home all day.

The bad things?  Muggy heat. And for Paxton…bugs.  Big bugs. 

We go through phases of bugs in Nova Scotia.  The spring begins with the dreaded black flies.  Tiny dark things that like to take CHUNKS out of skin.  They are VERY nasty.  They last for a few weeks.  And then the mosquitoes come out.  They don’t bother us canines all that much – but humans – look out after dark.  And now, as we have the full on heat of summer we have the arrival of the dreaded deer flies.  Pesky mid sized creatures that love humans AND dark colored dogs.  Frodo and I are not really bothered by them too much – but poor Paxton – they dive bomb him in DROVES.  When he walks down the trail it is like he has a cloud around him.   My human sprays him with a natural repellant – so he smells like a giant citronella candle after a walk.  Actually, he doesn’t really get a walk – it’s more like a FAST trot – in an effort to keep the bugs off of him.  But the “buggers” are smart – they still follow him.   I wonder if he would wear a light colored coat if he could fool the flies.  But then, I suppose wearing a coat on a hot day is not exactly a great idea.   Poor Pax.  Short walks for him for a little while.

Otherwise, we are enjoying time with our human. We even let her sleep in until 6AM!!!!!  Thoughtful, or what?  OK.  It was raining.  But still – we COULD have woken her.

And since we are having some lazy days, I think it is just about time for a bit of a blog-cation.  Today marks my 316^th blog entry.  What began as a little idea about sharing occasional views on my life with humans, has somehow developed into a daily PONtification about all kinds of topics!  And every time I think I will take a break, something new happens – that I just MUST share.  But to keep things interesting – and to keep people from getting bored with some of my more mundane adventures, I think I’ll take a break until September.  UNLESS of course something terribly newsworthy occurs – then I’ll be sure to post my thoughts. You can count on it! 

In the meantime – enjoy August!!! And all you canines – keep training those humans.  I know it’s hard work, but they really are worth the effort!

©  Linda Wozniak

Work Like A Dog Day

August 5.  Today is Work Like A Dog Day.  The saying “work like a dog” apparently came from the fact that once upon a time, we dogs used to work .  A LOT. Besides herding and guarding and hunting, in the olden days dogs also used to do things like draft work.  For example, Bernese Mountain dogs reportedly pulled carts to the market.  Paxton CAN pull a cart.  And he’s actually not that bad.  My human has never entered him a test, though, because he DOES have a mind of his own – and he IS a bit friendly – so she’s fairly certain he would “take his own route” on a test course.  My human failed enough tests with her previous Bernese to know that it is NOT easy.  That Bernese FINALLY did pass the test – and that was her “easy” Bernese.  Paxton is not easy.  I think it’s my influence.  I have trained him well to think for himself.

Along with the saying “work like a dog” – comes the saying “dog tired”.  It was only 150 years ago (which my human can no doubt remember) that we canines assumed a more sedentary role as pampered pets.  Thank GOODNESS I didn’t live back then.  I QUITE enjoy lying on my dog bed, under the fan that my human has running these past few days.  Just for me.  OK.  For me and my “brothers”.  Yes, we quite enjoy our creature comforts…

Excuse me while I go chew a bone and then ask to play fetch.  And I must beg for more treats. And then I’ll go on bunny patrol – such a full “working” day…

© Linda Wozniak

Herding. The anticipation...

Well folks.  Life is great in Nova Scotia.  My human is OFFICIALLY on vacation.  Which means extra long walks, and lots of attention.  Which I command.  Yesterday I got to go for a run with my buddy Jackson, the Labrador from up the road.  Frodo got to go the last couple of times – and I didn’t – all because of those few “incidents” where I took off on my own – and my human didn’t trust me to behave.  But humans have short memories, so I got to go yesterday – sans leash. 

We were just headed up the driveway to meet Jackson and he came around the bend.  I didn’t expect him – so when I saw him, I HIT the ground.  I guess it's a flock-protecting-herding-instinct thing.  I watched him as he approached.  And when I recognized it was him – I jumped up.  My human’s friend asked how my human trained me to do that.  My human just laughed.   She is very interested to see how I am going to do at something called a Herding Instinct Test next month.  She figures that the entertainment I provide will be worth the entry fee.  She entered Frodo too – but she’s not sure she will take both of us.  Juggling double trouble could be a bit challenging.  She says “we’ll see.”  Frodo has seen sheep before.  He thought they were OK.  He DID inform me that they leave delectable morsels as they move around – so I’m curious to see what that will be like.   Frodo had an interesting herding technique.  He would lie in the middle of the round pen and simply “eye” the sheep.  And they would move around the pen as he moved his head.  He WOULD round them up physically if instructed to do so – but he preferred a more serious sedentary approach. My human thinks I will be just the opposite.  No matter what – it WILL be interesting.  If you want to purchase tickets to my performance, let me know!  : )

OK.  I have to go.  It’s time to bug my human to play ball.  Again.  Come on – it’s vacation.  That’s what we do!

©  Linda Wozniak