Job description

So you hear about someone getting a puppy or a rescue from a shelter.  And it’s their first dog.  I started thinking the other day that when someone gets a dog, there should be a “job description” that they agree to sign – because they have LOTS of roles ahead.  Here are a few:

·      Personal trainer/fitness expert.  If you own a dog, it is HIGHLY likely you will get exercise.  Most of us canines LOVE a good walk – and you WILL accompany us.

·      Behavioral psychologist.  If you want us to be good, you have to train us.  Or should I say, we ALLOW you to train us.  Sometimes.

·      Dietician.  To keep us healthy and HAPPY – you will have to select  food that is good for us.  And feed us whenever we want.  OK.  That part isn’t true.  But you DO need to feed us.

·      Hair stylist.  If you own a PON you will REALLY be expert at this.  You have to brush us.  And keep us clean.  Or you have to send us to a groomer.  None of which we enjoy.  But it’s not optional in the job.

·      Custodian/maid.  You own a dog.  You have to clean your house.  More than if you don’t own a dog.  This includes dust bunnies and olfactory art on windows and refrigerator doors.

·      Fashion expert.  You must be willing to purchase lovely collars and leashes and the obligatory raingear and boots. And some of us like to be color coordinated. And YOUR wardrobe must include pants and sweaters and jackets with pockets.  So you can carry our treats.  And poop bags.

·      Entertainer.  We dogs look to you humans for entertainment.  That includes playing with toys or throwing a ball.  It’s your job.  And we will stare at you until you comply.  Or we will do something to get your attention.  And it may not be something good….

·      Referee.  If you are lucky enough to own MORE than one of us you will SOMETIMES need to settle “overly excited play.”

·      Baker.  We canines LOVE homemade biscuits.  And it doesn’t REALLY matter what they look like.  Or how they taste.  Many of us will eat anything.

·      Physician’s Assistant.  When we hurt ourselves, or we are sick, you must agree to take us to the Vet.  And then follow the instructions the Vet gives you.  Which may include trying to get us to take a pill.  Which we spit out. But you must find ways to get us to take that pill.  Hiding it in our food does not work.  Peanut butter on the roof of our mouth with the pill is a good trick.  If you can catch us first.

·      Poopologist.  Not only will you monitor WHEN we poop and clean up our poop, but you will also rate our poop.  For example, when walking Paxton the other day – the dog we KNOW will eat ANYTHING and who then has…errrrr…soupy poops…my human was heard to exclaim “BEAUTIFUL!” when he had a big poop.  Seriously.  Good poop can be an exciting thing for dog owners.

·      Tough decision maker.  When our time to leave you comes…you have to make the hardest decision of your life.  And a decision that is not about you.  But about us.  And don’t worry.  We know you do it with love in your heart.  That’s why it is so hard to do.

So you humans thinking about getting a dog for the first time – you have quite a job to fill.  But trust me….it will be the BEST job of your life.

©  Linda Wozniak