Call 911. We have an elf down.

I am in SERIOUS trouble…

So we know that just after my human put up the “dog tree,”  there was the “incident” with SOMEONE breaking into the DFZ, and pulling some ornaments off the tree.  Because no one was actually “caught” IN the DFZ at the time, the culprit could not be identified.

So.  Since my human put up the “other” tree in the DFZ too – the one with all the GLASS ornaments, she has been QUITE diligent at making sure the DFZ is secure.   She did note, the other night, that I was ATTEMPTING to get in there – despite the fact that the gate was closed AND another gate was propped against it.  She scolded me and I left the gate alone.

Yesterday morning, just as my human was stepping into the shower, she heard Frodo bark.  Not the “there is someone at the door who I must kill” bark, the “hey this is fun" bark.  My human heard it, but figured Frodo was just “playing.”  Little did she know, it was a “you are in trouble, Viktor” bark.

So my human came out of the bathroom, ready for work and noted two dogs.  Frodo and Paxton.  Where was I?  She figured I wouldn’t go downstairs if everyone else was upstairs.  She looked around.  I wasn’t in the kitchen.  I wasn’t in the hall or the dining room.  She didn’t even THINK to look in the DFZ – as the gate was closed.  Or APPEARED to be closed.  Partly closed.  With a second gate propped against it…. After calling me repeatedly, she finally looked in the DFZ– and saw me calmly lying in front of the fireplace.  All comfy cozy.  And then she saw the carnage….

First she spotted the glass ornament that I had carefully removed from "the glass tree."   Without breaking it I might add.  Actually, it fell off when I was removing several items that were UNDER the tree.  Lucky for me it didn’t break. 

You see, when my human put up the “glass tree”, she had placed, under the tree, some old toys.  A couple of dolls from when she was a kid – I think they call them antiques now – she’s THAT old.  A few old stuffed toys.  Some old books.  An old stuffed Santa.  And two creepy looking elves.  At least I thought they were creepy.

After spotting the ornament, she then saw the stuffed Santa.  He had been moved from under the tree.  And next to him were the remains of an elf.  One of those creepy looking elves.  He was completely decapitated and his straw innards were next to him.   It was a tragic scene.

 Not far away, close to the dog tree was the SAME stuffed ornament that had been taken off the tree during the previous DFZ infiltration.  AND the SAME stocking that says “good dog.”  Yes.  I could have chosen ANY ornaments on that tree – but I picked the same two from the last time.  Big mistake.  I didn’t realize I would actually be incriminating myself in the previous crime by doing so.  Uh-oh.

Of course my human uttered the predictable “what did you do?” words while surveying the damage.  I just stayed by the fireplace and didn’t move a muscle.  When she went to take me by the collar to evict me, I went completely limp.  Completely.  Which ALWAYS makes her laugh.  And of course it did – and  it cut the tension of being in the middle of a crime scene.  She practically had to pick me up to get me out of there. 

 Frodo gloated when I was evicted and Paxton just rolled his eyes.  The DFZ now has an EXTRA bungee cord on it, and it is barricaded by another gate and two chairs. 

So.  I guess I’m back on the naughty list.  What's the jail time for killing a creepy looking elf?  I will NEVER get that goat at this rate….

©  Linda Wozniak