Phone calls and beauty pageants

So last weekend, my human participated in something called a "phone seminar."  Basically, humans call a number and are able to listen to a presentation on a particular topic and they can ask questions.  And it is critical to keep your line on "mute" so the other participants can't hear your dogs barking at you while you are just sitting around.  I was hoping the topic would be "Baking for your dogs," or "How to build up your throwing arm."  But no.  It was on "Grooming your Polish Lowland Sheepdog."  Seriously.  It should have been called "How to torture defenseless animals without being arrested." Of ALL the topics on dogs, it HAD to be grooming?!  So of COURSE, my human got new ideas and found out about new instruments of torture, so you KNOW she is going to be looking for them on-line, and trying them out on us.  And if THAT wasn't bad enough, all that talk of fluff-ify-ing us inspired her to ENTER us in a BEAUTY PAGEANT in a few weeks.  Which is crazy.  Because the seminar included no information about how to make my self-trimmed back legs look good enough for a dog show.  Now THIS will be interesting.  I don't know if my human ASSUMES my hair will grow in 3 weeks, but I don't think hair extensions will really work.  Humans.

And if my human really plans to take us to a show, perhaps she should lay off the garlic tablets for a few days.  I mean if the judge gets a whiff of my breath, I don't stand a CHANCE of getting any 25 cent ribbons.  And really what makes this whole pageant thing crazy - I will be competing against Velcro dog.  And we all know that it's hard for me to beat him a beauty contest.  He wins for his coat alone.  Apparently there will ALSO be a girl dog there.  Now THAT will be interesting.  I'll have to see if I can impress her with my rugged, outdoorsy look.  If there is a prize for congeniality, I'll definitely get THAT.

Well today is Saturday, and we got my human up at 5.  No point in wasting the day.  We are just about to head out for our morning walk.  And then we will come home, have breakfast and multiple games of fetch.  I love weekends.  

Have a good one!

©  Linda Wozniak