A BIG surprise!!!

I have a BIG surprise.  GUESS WHAT I am getting??!!!  No- not an Easter bunny.  Not a goldfish.  Not a parrot.  I’m getting a kitten!!!  TWO kittens in fact.  I am so excited!!!!  I’ve never had a kitten before.  In fact, my human has never even had a cat before.  But she’s a softy when it comes to animals…and well, we are getting two kittens!  It seems that a cat got into our neighbor’s old shed and had kittens.  Six kittens.  The mother cat is kind of wild, but the neighbor is feeding her and she is a very good mother to the kittens.  So the neighbor told my human about them, and my human HAD to go see them.  They’re all different colors…grey and brown and black and white.  And they are very fluffy – or that’s what I hear.  Anyway, the neighbor had homes for four of them – but two were left.  So my human decided she would take both of them.  She was a bit concerned about where to put a litter box – as she figured we would find the ingredients quite tasty.  So she cut a hole in a door to a storage room in the basement and will put the litter box there.  I THINK the hole is too small for me – I haven’t tried it yet.  This whole litter box idea is quite intriguing – I think Frodo would like one on the days it is raining.

I think it will be excellent fun to have two kittens.  I love to chase rabbits and foxes – so kittens will be a blast.  I’m sure my human will NOT encourage that behavior – but when she goes to work – well there will be one par-TEEEE in our house.   And I want to name them.  I want to call them Norbert and Henry.  That was my human’s father’s name and the name of one of his brothers.  Oh IMAGINE the stories I will have to tell with two new kittens in the house!!!!  I will have SO much to share.

Before I close and go to get ready for the new arrivals, I have just ONE more thing to share.  April Fool!  Gotcha! Seriously.  Can you IMAGINE this household with two kittens?!    Bwhahahahahaha.   As if life isn’t exciting enough for my human with the three of US!!!!

Now let me go and see what other kinds of pranks I can play today….

©  Linda Wozniak

Crayola Crayon Day. Seriously.

March 31^st.  Besides being the last day of the month, it’s Crayola Crayon Day.  Yup.  Another brilliant human holiday.  Well at least it’s a colorful one. And it actually marks the day in 1903 when Crayola Crayons were first sold.  Who knew?

I’ve heard stories of dogs eating crayons and then having multicolored poop – but so far it hasn’t happened in our house.  Note I said “so far.”  Paxton DOES like to eat ballpoint pens – so I’m sure crayons would be equally delectable.

So in honor of Crayola Crayon Day, let’s look at some of the color names – which I THINK could be good names for a dog!  You know how you humans agonize over dog names – only to then create a roster of other names for us as times goes by?  So allow me to pick out some names, using Crayola as a source.  I’ll list them as “boy names” or “girl names” or gender neutral names.  I realize I probably SHOULDN’T label names as male or female, but heck, I’m a dog – so what do I know about political correctness?

So here we go:

Female names:

Cerise

Fern

Violet

Scarlet

Jade

Ruby

Topaz

Orchid

Rose

Male names:

Jasper

Steel

Sonic

Gray – plain and simple!

Brick

Gender neutral names:

Copper

Fuzzy Wuzzy

Blizzard  - I OBVIOUSLY can’t get past this snow thing

Carmine 

Denim

Thistle

Umber

Jelly Bean

Twister – now THAT should have been my name!

Mystic

Shadow

Jazzberry Jam (Jazzy or Jammer for short)

Razzmatazz (Razzy for short)

Crayola has LOADS of colors – these are just a sample – I’m sure there are others that could be used.  As a GENERAL rule, my human sticks to names that are two syllables or less in length.  The longer it takes to get out the name – the further away we can be when we are on the run.  Besides, who would call their dog Tangerine or Asparagus anyway?

If you use one of these suggestions, and you hadn't heard it before, don't forget to tell people where you got the idea.   From Viktor.  Viktor the PON.

Have a Sunglow-y day!

©  Linda Wozniak

The "s" word

OK.  I said I wouldn’t talk about it any more.  The dreaded “s” word.  But I have to.  I just HAVE to. And the "s" word I am referring to is NOT Spring...

Here’s the scoop.  Everybody in Nova Scotia is getting depressed.  REALLY depressed.  I’m sure the pharmaceutical companies are making a killing on anti-depressants in this province!  That is unless you own a dog.  We make people happy.  Most of the time.  So no drugs in our household.  Yet. 

It’s funny.  The weather people all winter would give these doom and gloom forecasts for storms a WEEK in advance.  They would issue continual warnings days before a storm, and would tell people to be prepared. And we have had some REALLY bad snow in the past few weeks.  Our plow guy got stuck twice – and my human had to get a guy with heavy equipment to come in and move the snow. The last storm, the plow guy didn’t even ATTEMPT our driveway.

Anyway, my human noticed that on Thursday, the weather people were not saying much about the forecast beyond Friday.  It was like the weather was going to stop on Friday.  Which made my human nervous.  She figured that they didn’t want to TELL people what was coming – because people would be going off the deep end. And sure enough. What started out as “flurries” became a MAJOR snowfall.  At least at our house it was major!  The plow guy came and – are you ready – got STUCK again. He left us with a 4 foot wall in our driveway that no one would be able to get around. So the guy with the heavy equipment had to come.  Again.

My human attempted the dreaded rabbit ear photo shoot with us yesterday– but she is not happy with the results.  The photos don’t look very Eastery.  We look like snow bunnies.  But don’t worry – you’ll get to see them next week.  And I have a feeling there may be MORE since she doesn’t like the setting… She’s probably looking to find some place with astro-turf so she can take shots that look like Springtime.  Good luck.

So that’s it. I will NOT mention the “s” word ANY MORE.  Not until December.   I mean it.  I hope.

©  Linda Wozniak

Top 5 humans.

So I started thinking more about that Facebook chain letter thing.  The one that asked humans to list their top 5 favorite dog breeds.  The one where everyone lists the breed that currently owns them – or has in the past.

So let’s reverse this chain.  If we dogs had to pick our top 5 humans by occupation– who would WE pick?

Well of course, I would pick a Speech-Language Pathologist.  Why?  Well because that’s what my human is.  And no – a Speech-Language Pathologist doesn’t teach dead people to talk.  One might think so with the word “pathologist” in the title.  Some people call them Speech Therapists.  Personally, I prefer Speech Terrorist.  Trust me – my human has “ways” of making people talk.  And THAT’S why Frodo talks ALL THE TIME.  It’s my human’s fault.  Seriously.

My next favorite kind of human would be…a butcher.  Or a chef. For obvious reasons.

Next would be a veterinarian.  OK, I don’t REALLY love going to the Vet – but they DO come in handy when you need them.

Let’s see.  Who else would be my favorite type of human…how about one that manufactures dog toys.  One can NEVER have too many toys.

Sorry – but I’m not adding groomer to the list.  Nope.  I just can’t do it.  They’re nice and all but I wouldn’t want one for my own.

How about….A farmer.  With sheep.  I’ve never actually SEEN sheep myself, but Frodo says they are great, so that could be cool .

So there you have it.  My top 5 human choices.  Really, I’ll take just about ANY human who has good treats.  But of course, I’d ALWAYS pick my human first. Even if she didn’t have treats.  But don’t tell her I told you.  I don’t want it to go to her head…

©  Linda Wozniak

A special human birthday...

March 28. Today’s a special day.  It’s my human’s mother’s birthday!!!  And since we KNOW I’m her favorite grand-dog, I want to wish her special birthday greetings.  She is over 600 years old in canine years.  602 to be exact.  THAT’S incredible.  And what’s even MORE incredible is the fact that she LOVES her computer.  And Facebook.  AND she reads my blog every day. How cool it THAT?!! She's pretty saavy for someone over 600!!!

It’s funny – but when my human was a kid, her mother wasn’t REALLY crazy about dogs.  I mean she liked them – but didn’t really want one - I think she KNEW who would be the one looking after a dog!!!  My human brought a stray dog home, and befriended every dog in the neighborhood – and BEGGED for a dog starting at 5 years old in her letter to Santa.  My human’s father liked dogs very much and wanted one for years too – but it wasn’t until my human was in high school that her mother gave in – and they got an Irish Setter - Mickey.  He was crazy.   Crazier than me.  And that’s saying a LOT.  He LOVED to hunt.  My human’s father didn’t hunt – but neighbors would borrow Mickey for hunting.  He didn’t have any formal hunting training – he just KNEW what to do.  My human did take Mickey to basic obedience lessons and they even competed at the County Fair.  They didn’t win any huge trophies, and in fact while waiting to compete, he peed on my human’s father’s leg.  He was quite the dog.

Anyway, after Mickey there was a Golden Retriever named Midas.  My human wasn’t living at home any more – but she convinced her mother that her father NEEDED another dog after Mickey went to the Rainbow Bridge.  And her mother quickly agreed. Midas lived to a ripe old age of 13 or maybe 14…

Anyway, over the years, my human’s mother has come to love, or at least tolerate, all of my human’s dogs – and there have been quite a few.  And her mother has even been a dog sitter on numerous occasions.  When she comes to visit us, she shares her empty yoghurt container with us – AND she shares her banana each morning.  She has also learned how to NOT get her fingers chewed off by Frodo when giving out treats.  AND she knows how to make us sit and stay when giving out treats.

We think she’s pretty cool – and we’re so happy that she doesn’t live far away.  And we love when she comes to stay with us – even though we know that we sometimes drive her crazy. Like when I remove all the toys from the toy box – AFTER she has put them away. 

So a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our favorite octogenarian!   Oh – and we’ll be quite happy to share your birthday cake with you…we hope it’s liver flavored…

©  Linda Wozniak

Social Media...

I’ve talked before about social media – and how cool it is that it connects people.  My human and I have met some really great people since I, well we, started this blog. And Facebook is also a cool way to find out about all kinds of things.  You can see how your friends did at the dog show, where they went on vacation, how to make dog biscuits and you can see photos of dogs dressed in ridiculous holiday attire.  Hint. Hint.  Sometimes you DO have to be careful though – because things get posted from unreliable sources.  Also, we need to keep in mind that most people just post happy things that they are doing so it kind of gives us a skewed version of life.  I mean really, who wants to read bad stuff – we have the news for that.  So Facebook gives us the fake “movie set” view of life.  But that’s not to say that movies aren’t FUN – and an entertaining way to learn things.

Once upon a time, people communicated via old-fashioned letters that they sent in something called the “mail”.  That’s back in the days of my human.  I don’t remember that far back. And sometimes, I hear, that people would send something called “chain letters.” You would get a letter and it would tell you to do something.  If you didn’t do it, something bad might happen to you.  And if you did it – well all kinds of mysterious surprises would come your way.  If you were the least bit superstitious, you probably sent out those 10 letters and waited for the surprises.  And waited.  And waited. And waited….

Today people don’t send those messages in the old-fashioned form via the mail– but they DO send them electronically – especially on Facebook.  But now the message will be that if you don’t want to see “pickles being tortured in vinegar,” you should post the message or share it with EVERYONE you know.  So for days, you will see the “pickle torturing” message on the walls of numerous Friends.  And then it will die out.  But don’t worry – it WILL come back again.  Several months later. 

Sometimes the chain messages ARE kind of interesting, though.  And there is no threat of dire consequences if you don’t comply.  Just “Friend Guilt”.  For example, there is one that SOMEONE started recently– and I have a bone to pick with it.  Pun intended.

The chain idea is to ask  “X” number of friends to share their 5 favorite dog breeds.  To be honest, the idea of sharing this info is actually very interesting.  It’s fun to see what breeds your friends like.  Except for one small glitch.   Think about it.  EVERYBODY puts down the breed that they currently own – or have owned as one of their choices.  Seriously.  I would HOPE so!!!  I mean what would it say if my human filled out her top favorite breeds and PONs did not even make the list?!  I mean does that even happen very often?!  I SUPPOSE you could get a dog that you don’t care for – but seriously people – would you post it on Facebook?!  How to give that poor dog a MAJOR complex!  I hope he chews your shoes.  So MAYBE the request should have been for the top favorite breeds that you have never OWNED.  Just sayin’!

Anyway,  those are just a few of MY observations about social media.  I DO enjoy it, though– oh and by the way, I met my New Year’s Resolution to have 14 LIKES on my Facebook page by May.  So - don't misinterpret my rant about social media. And I AM thinking about starting a chain message, myself, about your top 5 favorite dog biscuit recipes.  Now THAT would be excellent!!! And THEN I just have to get my human to make them….

©  Linda Wozniak

Easter countdown

Hmmm. Today is Thursday.  And we know what time is rapidly approaching.  Easter. A little over a week to go. Lent is winding down and so are the Lenten resolutions.  I DO believe I saw my human eating some cookies - and I'm sure they were on the list. Tsk. Tsk.

I have this sinking feeling that this weekend MAY be the pre-Easter photo shoot. And we KNOW what that means.  The dreaded rabbit ears.  If I didn't like my human so much, I would be calling the animal abuse people. Pax and I already have a pact to misbehave and practice picnore as much as possible.  I'm thinking the only way my human will get any shots is if she cooks up some steaks. And wears them around her neck to get our attention.

THIS will be better than the antlers. I can hardly wait...

© Linda Wozniak

Dog breeds. And cars.

Guess what?  I was ALL excited yesterday because according to a notice that came in the mail, I can drive!  The notice said it’s time to renew my license.  And Frodo’s.  And Paxton’s too.  I had NO idea we were allowed to drive. 

JUST joking.  I can’t drive. I’m too young!  And seriously, can you IMAGINE if I was allowed to drive?

There is no doubt some quiz on the internet that tells you what kind of car your dog could drive.  I couldn’t find one – but I’m SURE someone has thought of this.  It’s SO simple – for Frodo and I, it would OBVIOUSLY have to be some kind of PONtiac. So then I started thinking about other dog breeds and what they would drive.  Here’s some ideas:

·      Bernese Mountain Dog – Toyota Highlander

·      Greyhound – Chevrolet Impala

·      Bloodhound – Chevrolet Tracker

·      Siberian Husky – Chevrolet Trailblazer

·      Australian Cattle Dog – Jeep Wrangler

·      Australian Shepherd – Dodge Ramcharger

·      Standard Poodle – Chrysler Fifth Avenue

·      Labrador Retriever - Plymouth Reliant

·      Corgi – Chrysler Royal

·      Pekingese – Chrysler Imperial

·      Chihuahua – Ford Fiesta

·      Bullmastiff – Ford Taurus

·      Alaskan Malamute – Ford Expedition

·      Portuguese Water Dog – Honda Stream

·      Weimaraner – Chevrolet Silverado

That’s JUST a sampling of breeds and car models.  I could go on forever with this topic!!

So back to us PONs.  As I said, it would HAVE to be some kind of PONtiac.  My human thinks the PONtiac Tempest.  I, on the other hand think the PONtiac Chieftain would be a PERFECT fit.  After all, who is the chief in THIS house?!

Maybe I should look into that driver’s license after all…

©  Linda Wozniak

Poop Wars

OK.  I won’t talk about snow.  We’ve had enough.  But I WILL just mention this…the weatherman issued a rainfall warning for Saturday night.  When we woke up Sunday morning, there was of 3 inches this heavy white wet stuff covering EVERYTHING.  I don’t think it rained at ALL.  I didn’t really care.  And neither did Paxton.  But Frodo.  Well, we KNOW he doesn’t like to be wet or damp.  And he doesn’t even want to go out.  So with the sloppy conditions, he and my human had what I refer to as a Poop War.  He REFUSED to poop.  Now some might argue that dogs don’t REALLY refuse to poop.  But my human is CONVINCED that Frodo does.

So here it was.  6:45 Sunday morning.  The sky was grey and everything was covered in that mysterious white stuff.  And when the white substance is soooooo wet, it forms balls on the legs of PONs.  And the more you walk, the bigger the balls get.  So my human took Frodo for his walk.  And she told him to “Hurry up.” That’s the polite human statement that means “Go poop. Now.” 

She must have said that statement 4,759 times.  And they walked.  And there were more sticky balls stuck to Frodo’s legs.  And they kept getting bigger.  And BIGGER.  My human attempted to break them up – but when you touch them, they seem to stick even MORE.  And she BEGGED him to “Hurry Up.”  She knew he needed to go -  she’s a statistician when it comes to monitoring our bodily functions.  When it appeared that he was NOT going to poop, and that he had won THIS battle, my human sadly trudged back to the house – with one gleeful, yet heavier dog – whose gait pattern was distinctly different from when he left the house. They then spent 30 minutes blow drying the giant balls off his fur.

So that’s how OUR day began.  I forgot to mention that Spring “officially” arrived Friday night.  I can’t understand why I forgot to mention it…..

That PONdominium in Florida is looking better all the time!

©  Linda Wozniak

National Goof Off Day

Well I wasn’t going to post a blog today since it is National Goof Off Day.  But I just HAD to tell you about my latest escapade.

On Friday, my human’s mother was here for the day waiting for the oil delivery man while my human was at work.  As you may recall, she was here several weeks ago, and I was on my best behavior, vying for the title of favorite Grand Dog.  That contest ended in a bit of a stalemate, so let’s just say, I didn’t feel the same motivation to be my usual angelic self this time.

While she was here, she couldn’t HELP but notice all of our bones and assorted toys spread out around the room.  So she carefully picked them ALL up and I watched the proceedings with one eye open, while lying on my bed.  She put them in the container that holds all of the canine belongings.

I never moved a MUSCLE while she was tidying up.  I just waited.  Patiently.  She finished picking up toys and bones from the whole room and sat down to read her book.  At which point I slowly got up, walked over to the toy container and looked at her.  I took out one bone.  She watched me.  And then I knocked over the container and took out EVERY bone and toy.  She watched in disbelief. She said “HEY – what are you doing?!”  I thought it was pretty obvious.  Re-decorating.  She just shook her head.  

 And of COURSE she had to tell the story to my human later. 

I DO think she still likes me best.  After all, I AM the most entertaining. Ya gotta love me!

And since all the toys and bones are prominently displayed, and my work is done, I CAN goof off for the rest of the day.  I hope you can too!!

© Linda Wozniak

Canine Craft Creations by Leonardo da Viktor

Today I decided to do a different feature on my blog because I think it’s fun to keep things interesting.  And let’s face it – we have all had enough stories about SNOW. I’m calling this blog entry Canine Craft Creations -  by Leonardo da Viktor.  OK. So I didn’t MAKE this creation – but it IS about me…

Today I’ll show you how to make a canine silhouette! And even if you’re not crafty – you CAN do this. Trust me.  If MY human can do this, you can do it!

Silhouettes are basically shadow-like images of people, animals, buildings, scenes, etc. – and they are usually done in the color black.  They were super popular in the early 1800’s – and you’ll often see them of children.  We are going to do a head silhouette – but you can do a whole body silhouette of your canine kid too.  Of course, this silhouette will be of ME.

Let me begin by warning you that head silhouettes of PONs CAN be a BIT tricky – because we have so much fur that it can be hard to make out our features.  The first time my human did this, it looked like a silhouette of a mop.  And some of you may think it still does.  But trust me – this is better than her first attempt.

First off we start with some basic supplies:

·      Dog treats and a comb or brush

·      Scissors and an X-Acto knife – or utility blade of some kind

·      Black and light cardstock paper

·      Pencil

·      Digital camera or smart phone and printer

·      Optional sticky letters and or other sticky dog decorations (like paw prints)

·      Frame to complete your masterpiece!  My human picks up old frames at yard sales and flea markets – but the dreaded Dollar Store is also a good source!

So let’s begin!

Step 1:  Have a willing dog.  

Step 2:  Comb your willing dog’s hair, so that your profile photo will show his or her features.  Have your willing dog sit – for the profile shot.  To do this, my human placed enticing treats on a chair – which were at eye level for me.  She asked me to wait – and look at the treats.  When she got a good profile photo with her smart phone, she told me I could have the treats!  She took MULTIPLE photos.

Step 3:  Print the photo in a size that will fit the frame you plan to use.

Step 4: Carefully cut out the profile from the print.  Use either scissors – or a cutting blade.  My human found that is was easier to use a cutting blade to go around my fur – but if you are good with scissors – and have a pair that is fine, you can use the scissors.

       

Step 5:  Take a pencil and trace the cut out profile onto black cardstock paper.

Step 6:  Again, carefully cut out the profile from the black paper.  You may wish to add some details - and be artistic!

Step 7:  With Tacky Glue, or a glue stick, adhere your black silhouette profile to a lighter cardstock and place it in the frame!

Other optional steps:  You may wish to add your dog’s name, birthdate, etc.  You can use sticky letters– or print the letters on a clear mailing label – and stick it to your cardstock.  OR – if you have really GOOD printing – just write it yourself!

And voila!  You have a vintage-looking silhouette of your canine kid! 

My human LOVES to take pictures of us (if you haven’t already figured that out!) and she also loves the look of vintage things.  So silhouettes are a fun way to take modern technology and create an old looking thing.  And the best part – it’s a shadow of ME!!!!!!  And I loved getting the treats for the photo!

If you try this with your canine kid, post your results to my Facebook page – I would love to see how they come out! If they come out great, and people ask you about them - tell them you got the instructions from Viktor the PON.  If they don't come out, tell them your neighbor's cat gave you the instructions.  Or Paxton. 

©  2015 Linda Wozniak